


Erase this

by kessilover



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kessilover/pseuds/kessilover
Summary: The evident lack of excitement on her son's face was enough to send her over the edge. Morgana had been trying her very best to keep her emotions at bay ever since waking up that morning. Her eyes stung with tears and she reached for her son, pulling him closer to her. He protested and grunted. His whining fell on deaf ears.Her voice wavered as she spoke, "You will be seeing your father today, are you not happy?"Again, her son exhibited indifference to what should have been great news. Yet, she supposed such a reaction is to be expected. After all, her son had no understanding of the true meaning of having a father. He never knew his. He had never seen him. Mergana AU.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Erase this

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been edited. Sorry for any mistakes you might find. I'll try to fix them as soon as possible.

She was destructive.

She sought to destroy everything around her. At some point in her life, that had been her mission and she had succeeded.

In a way, she had destroyed herself and she had destroyed him.

Ultimately, she had destroyed them.

* * *

That had happened a long time ago.

Three years to be exact but the pain still felt fresh.

Things had changed though.

Now, she had a kingdom to rule, a crown upon her head, and an army at her command. But he wasn't by her side. She doubted that he'd even agree to rule next to her.

There weren't a lot of things that she regretted but if she were, to be honest with herself, she regretted him. Not her involvement with him. No, not that. Never that.

Yet, she did regret the way that she had treated him. The way she had played with his emotions. The way she had used him.

Movements to her left lured her attention downward. The corners of her lips curved up into a small smile that appeared warm but quite obviously sad.

"Good morning," She greeted, running her hand through the slightly long curls of the toddler.

The latter simply yawned and snuggled closer. He wrapped his small little fingers around her wrist catching the hand that was on his head and pushed it away before he lifted his head up to place it on Morgana's lap. "Good morning, mama." His eyelashes fluttered shut again. He was going to fall once more and as much as she wished to let him rest, a long journey awaited them. Exhaustion would surely find him and he'd be napping shortly after the beginning of their trip.

"Wake up my dear," she shook him gently. But that proved fruitless. "Come on." She urged.

He crooked one eye open. She had wanted him to have his father's eyes but as he had grown older, the color changed and it had become clear that he had inherited hers. She had been disappointed at first. Then she had assumed it had been for the best. "No, let me sleep." The toddler told her groggily.

Yes, it was a good thing that he had inherited something from her, he was already showing signs of having Merlin's quite charming personality.

Morgana shook her head and stopped herself rolling her eyes. "Do you not remember where we are going today?"

"Yes."

The evident lack of excitement on her son's face was enough to send her over the edge. She had been trying her very best to keep her emotions at bay ever since waking up that morning. Her eyes stung with tears and she reached for her son, pulling him closer to her. He protested and grunted. His whining fell on deaf ears.

She placed him on her lap and Morgana hooked a finger under his chin. He had no choice but to look at her.

Her voice wavered as she spoke, "You will be seeing your father today, are you not happy?"

Again, her son exhibited indifference to what should have been great news. Yet, she supposed such a reaction is to be expected. After all, her son had no understanding of the true meaning of having a father. He never knew his. He had never seen him.

So the concept was foreign to him. But she knew, deep down she knew that his guilelessness would not last forever. As years went by, he'd wonder about his father, he'd ask about him and demand an explanation for his absence.

The sole purpose of this trip was to help with that. In a way, she supposed that she needed it as well.

It was a chance for her son to see Merlin...maybe not talk to him but at least he'd learn why he didn't have a father living with him and loving him. Moreover, it was a chance for her to face for the first time in three years the consequences of her actions. Actions that had caused a child to lose his parent long before his birth. She'd carry the weight of that guilt with her until her dying day.

His response was to shrug, "I guess."

Morgana sighed again. She wrapped her arms around his small frame and drew him to her.

She found herself swallowing a lump in her throat whilst a single tear slid down her cheek, she sat there unable to utter a single word.

* * *

Just like she had expected, halfway through their journey her son fell asleep. The jerking of the carriage seemed to have no effect on his slumber as he peacefully napped. Morgana looked down. A lock of dark hair fell over his forehead and she pushed it away with a gentle gesture.

The day that she had informed Merlin that had been expecting would forever be engraved in her mind. How could it not when she had witnessed right before her eyes as the look of absolute joy dissolve into one of sheer panic and fear.

It had taken him less than a second for him to realize the true gravity of the situation they had been in. Because whatever they had had...had been complicated to put it simply.

She'd like to think that the relationship was doomed from the very beginning. From the moment he had rescued her from the Sarrum.

Merlin had been driven by guilt. He had felt responsible for what had happened to her. First with her capture and later with the torture inflicted upon her. He had taken it upon himself to help her get through it all. He had almost done it. But then she had gotten with a child. She had feared the world her child would be born into. After what she had endured during that year of captivity she'd be damned if she could subject her child to it. And so, her plans to restore magic back had been once more set into motion.

Morgana shook her head, the memories of that time were rather overwhelming. She had been sitting on her bed, watching him come closer. Merlin had collapsed in front of her. He had burst into a wave of tears and shoved his face in her midsection, the sobs shaking his body. He had known after taking one look at her, he had known that she'd return to her old ways. Merlin, bless him, had tried everything to stop her.

Needless to say, he had failed.

Seeing him cry like that had caused tears to pour down her face. She had hugged him tighter, promised him that nothing would ever change between them but they had been both aware how mistaken she'd been.

He'd proposed to her and she'd said no. And that had been the beginning of the end for them.

Morgana looked away from her son's face, finally deciding to stop thinking about the past and focus more on the future. She stared at the scenery outside as the carriage skipped through the road that led directly towards Camelot.

* * *

Arthur was waiting outside as they drew closer to the city's walls. He was surrounded by a few of his knights. Slowly, the carriage came into a halt.

Morgana braced herself before descending. "Wait here," she told her son who looked confused for a moment but he still didn't ask where she'd be going.

"Arthur," Morgana said as a way of greeting. It had been a long time since they had last seen one another. Her gaze went up and down, assessing the changes in her brother.

Strangely, she found none.

Arthur seemed like he was doing the same to her and she doubted he'd come to the same conclusion as she had. Once he was done, he took a step forward, gesturing to his knights to stay put.

Morgana took that as a good sign. She had already ordered her own knights to stay with the carriage to keep her son safe in case something came up.

"You look like a queen." Arthur finally said.

She almost laughed but she simply ended up shaking her head as her brother's snides. Two years of not seeing her and that was the first thing he thought of saying.

Only Arthur would do that.

"Yeah, well..." Her own comeback was on the tip of her tongue when she noticed Arthur's gaze staring at something over her shoulder. Morgana slowly turned and she wasn't surprised to find the source of her brother's daze.

Her son.

"He looks like him." He whispered, sounding out of breath for someone who's been standing still for quite some time.

Her heart burst with pride as she watched her son looking back at them. He had sneaked his head through the small window of the carriage. "He is his father's son."

There was a moment of absolute silence.

Frowning, Morgana span around to face Arthur once more only to find that the cheerful expression had disappeared.

A feeling and coldness and fear took hold of her.

Morgana failed to suppress a shiver that ran down her spine.

What if something had been to him?

"Is he-" She trailed off, her voice wavering as she found that couldn't utter that word.

Fortunately, Arthur shook his head and a sense of relief washed over her body. Still, it didn't ease her mind for the same somber expression persisted on his face. "Has he gotten worse?"

Again, he shook his head and swallowed. "Quite the opposite, Morgana. He is awake."

Her first thought was: it is a miracle. For Merlin to awake from his deep and magical slumber on the same day his son had been set to meet him could only be described as a miracle. "Today?" She still asked to make sure.

"No," Arthur shocked her with that. "He's been getting well for a few months now."

"Why..." Morgana struggled to find her words, "How could you not send for me when that happened?"

Months? Merlin had been fine for months and she hadn't been informed. She should have been by his side when he had first opened his eyes. He should have woken up to find both her and his son with him. "How dare you keep that from us?"

"Have you forgotten that it was because of you that he almost died." Arthur grunted, "You have-"

"It was not your decision to make." she interrupted him. She knew that she was the one to blame for what happened to Merlin, she didn't want Arthur reminding her of that as well.

"You're right, it is not my decision to make. But it was Merlin's."

"Wait," It took Morgana a moment to wrap her head around what he'd said. "Are you saying that he didn't want to see us."

Arthur sighed. He glanced briefly again at her son. "Merlin only wants to see him. But he doesn't want to see you."

* * *

So many things had changed over the past few years. Still, there was a sense of familiarity lingering in the air. Morgana could easily detect it.

They had prepared her old chambers for her visit and as she stepped inside, Morgana quickly noticed the little changes that had been done to her quarters. The sheets, the curtains, the screen had all been swapped with new ones of different colors. There was a smaller table placed in the middle of the room with a tray of fruits on it. The bed, the wardrobe, and the nightstands were spared.

Morgana wondered if the room had been emptied up until her visit was announced. Being in there after all these years brought back all sorts of memories. Morgana was sad to admit most of them were unhappy ones.

Her life, their lives would have been entirely different if Merlin had been honest with her about his magic from the very start. Perhaps she wouldn't be standing here, heartbroken and mind churning with so many questions if he had not waited until her capture to reveal himself to her.

Her heart ached and Morgana drew in a breath, willing the pain away.

"It will be all right, Morgana. You needn't worry." Gwen said from behind, reminding the High Priestess that she was not alone and that the Queen of Camelot was with her, very much aware of the raging emotions inside of her.

"I –" Morgana blinked. "This is not how imagined the day would progress, to be honest." She turned to face her _friend_. Should she even call Gwen her friend when they hadn't seen one another in two years? "This is not how I imagined Merlin meeting our son. It shouldn't be like this, Gwen. Why would Merlin–"

Gwen took Morgana by surprise when wrapped her hands around her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace.

At that moment, Morgana got her answer. Gwen was still her friend despite the years of separation. Morgana responded instantly, returning the hug. "I have missed you greatly."

Moments later, Gwen stepped back. She gave Morgana a knowing look and gestured for her to take a seat at the table. "You were the one who left Morgana." She reminded her, softly, no traces of accusation in her voice, "You were safe here in Camelot. Both of you." Gwen was talking about Morgana and her son. "You could and should have stayed here."

It was true. Morgana could have remained in Camelot. She could have raised her son there but they had stayed for months with her constantly watching over Merlin, hoping each day that he'd get better but fearing at the same time that he'd get worse. "I couldn't stand seeing him so helpless, Gwen, and I could not stand the accusatory glances I got from everyone. Especially, Hunith and Gaius."

Gwen started to protest but Morgana spoke first, "They had every right to be furious with me. I do not deny my involvement in what happened to him. I never will but –" Her throat felt swollen and she stuttered as she tried to speak the words in her head.

The Queen reached out for her hands; sadness was written all over her features. "You were misled, Morgana. Everything you have done was to ensure the safety of your child," She said, reassuringly, "I would have done the same for mine." Gwen squeezed Morgana's hands and the latter swallowed some air and then released it in one calming breath. Gwen's words managed to lessen the pain, to some extent.

Morgana smiled. Her boundless gratitude for this woman stirred up feelings of guilt for all the wrongs she had committed.

Why couldn't Merlin be like Gwen?

Morgana wanted to ask her about him. Arthur had not been helpful. When it came to talking about feelings, Morgana had better luck talking to rock than with her half-brother who refused to say anything on the subject, claiming it was Merlin's decision and he didn't want to interfere in the matter.

If only it was that simple.

Six years ago, Morgana had been captured by Sarrum. For a year she had been kept in a pit, swallowed by darkness and drowning in pain. Her hatred for the likes of Sarrum had grown and amidst Aithusa's heart-wrenching cries of agony, Morgana had vowed that she would not rest until she got her revenge.

The first few weeks after her liberation had not been easy. She had been very unbearable with her constant threats and accusations that had been thrown at Merlin. All her anger and her frustration had been poured all on him. She couldn't understand it then but for some reason, he had taken it all in and accepted her blame. It had puzzled greatly her but she had reveled in it taking an advantage of his quiet response.

Gradually, things had started to change with their relationship. With the secrets, the lies, and the schemes all aside, they had sort of found a new balance.

* * *

Their sons were playing together on the bed not far, the sound of their laughter distracting the adults from the conversation they were having. No one seemed bothered by that if their matching smiles were any indication. Gwen and Morgana had gone back to the king's chambers, they had been soon joined by the king and Morgana's son who'd been given a tour of the castle by his uncle. The king and queen's only child had been brought in by his nurse only a few moments back and the two toddlers had already shown an instant interest in one another. "They are getting along quite well, are they not?" Gwen remarked offhandedly, looking at Morgana who simply nodded in agreement.

Arthur on the other hand didn't seem to share their opinion. "We got along as well, Morgana. Surely, you still remember how we've been when were young." He paused for a moment then continued, "Didn't last long sadly. After all, you did try to kill me and Father. I certainly hope that your son-"

"Arthur!" The queen exclaimed, horrified by her husband's comment.

Morgana's face contorted with emotions, "It's all right Gwen. I've been wondering when he would broach the subject."

Arthur shifted in his seat, "You cannot fault me on that Morgana. Not after everything that happened."

Of course, she could not. All three of them knew that. Nevertheless, she had hoped that she'd been spared the recollections of what she had done for at least one night.

Morgana looked out briefly out of the window. The night had already fallen.

Oh, how much she hated the day she was having. Unlike her son who was clearly having a great day, Morgana was starting to regret her decision to remain in Camelot after learning about Merlin's rejection. "I have not come here for this, Arthur." She said, looking straight at her half-brother. "I honestly believed that we have mended our relationship when you took us in three years ago. Sadly, I was mistaken." With that, she pushed her chair back and stood up. "My knights have set up camp outside of the Castle's walls. I shall trouble you no longer. My son and I will spend the remainder of the night with them."

Gwen mimicked Morgana and stood up. She took a moment to glare at Arthur before she tried to calm Morgana down. "That's utterly absurd Morgana. You cannot possibly-"

"You will deny Merlin the chance to meet his son? Again?"

She didn't understand what was Arthur trying to accomplish; perhaps a war with her kingdom if he carried on with his snide remarks. She slapped the top of the table with her palm. "I am here, am I not?"

The two children seemed to pick up on the tension rising in the room because they had stopped playing and they were now watching the adults with curious eyes. Morgana looked at her son and she could tell that he was sensing her distress. Shaking her head and plastering on a small smile, Morgana decided it was time to leave.

However, she was surprised when Arthur suddenly stood up, his chair making a loud scratching sound. He placed himself between her and her son and for a fleeting second, Morgana feared he was trying to stop her from getting to her son.

What if Arthur was trying to take her son away? Would he do that?

"What are you doing, Arthur?" She asked, keeping her voice low as to not alarm her son any further.

"I apologize. I should not have said that... I did not mean to."

It was hard to believe that when he had spared no chance to aggravate her. "What are you doing, Arthur?" she asked again because as much as wanted to, she could not push that intrusive thought away.

Aside from her son, she was on her own. In Camelot. To make matters worse, she had just attested to the absence of her knights.

How stupid of her!

Gwen, bless her heart, seemed to understand Morgana's concern. She gently grabbed her husband by the hand and led him out of Morgana's way. The witch appreciated what she had done but it didn't lessen her worry. "You must be tired, Arthur. We shall take the children and let you rest. What do you reckon?" The question was directed towards Morgana, but Gwen kept her eyes fixed on her husband, as if, similar to Morgana, she could not guess her husband's intentions.

As long as she had her son with her, Morgana would not object. As a matter of fact, she thought it was a good idea to be away from Arthur. At least for the time being. She headed towards the bed when Arthur spoke up. "Can we talk, Morgana?" After a moment, when both women stared at him suspiciously, he added almost guiltily to his wife. "Just you and I. Privately."

Confused, Morgana glanced between her son and Arthur. "What about him?"

"He stays with Gwen, here."

"And you will not try and take him away from me?"

"I... why would I?

"Arthur."

The king was quick to assure her, "Nobody is going to take him from you, Morgana. Not even his father. You have my word."

* * *

They exited the king's quarters, leaving Gwen and the two children back inside.

Despite her fear, Morgana chose to trust Arthur and his promise. After all that had been said and done, aside from the snide remarks he had been throwing her way that afternoon, her brother never hurt her. If anything, Arthur had welcomed her with open arms back in Camelot after Merlin had become bedridden three years ago. She had been heavy with a child, consumed by guilt for what she had done, yet he had allowed her to stay in the castle and kept her presence in Camelot a secret. He had saved her, shielded her, and taken a great care of her and her newly born babe for almost an entire year. Which was why Morgana was deeply puzzled by her brother's behavior towards her.

What had she done wrong to merit such treatment? Especially considering the fact that she had little to no contact with him for the past two years.

Maybe she should simply ask him directly and be done with it.

"What is up with you, Arthur? Why are you treating me this way?"

"You left Morgana." Arthur stopped and Morgana did the same, "You told no one where you were going or why. For an entire year, there was no news about you, Morgana. I didn't know whether you were dead or alive. Then all of a sudden, there were talks about Amata having a new queen. Imagine my surprise."

"Is that what this is about? You were worried about me?" She laughed, "I'm touched."

"No. I am mad at you. There is a difference. Now, let's just carry on."

They didn't walk far before they reached a room. Without knocking, Arthur twisted the doorhandle and pushed the door open. Morgana wondered why they hadn't simply gone back to her chambers instead.

Morgana asked as she followed him inside, "Why are we here, Ar-"

"Arthur!"

It was a voice that she had not heard for three long years. She'd dreamt about it and feared that as time went by, she'd eventually forget it.

It came from her left. Morgana slowly pivoted her body in that direction. Her heart was thrumming fast and when her eyes landed on him, it risked bursting out of her ribcage. "Merlin?"

He was sitting at the table, vials and books were in front of him. He looked like he in the middle of cooking a potion. He looked as surprised as she was by her presence.

They maintained eye contact for several seconds. Then he abruptly broke it. Merlin put the vial down and closed the book that he'd been reading and slowly stood up.

He looked different. He was no longer the lanky man that she once knew. He was somehow bigger, healthier and as he made his way towards her, she noticed that he even carried himself differently.

Morgana stood rooted to the spot. She expected many things when Arthur had told her Merlin had recovered but not this.

"You should talk. The two of you." Arthur said and Morgana wasn't sure how she managed to tear her gaze away from Merlin and look at her brother as he backed towards the door. He was halfway outside when he spoke again, "Just try not to kill each other. Think of your son." With that, he closed the door, leaving Morgana alone with a fully awaken Merlin for the first time in three years.

Her mind was blank and Morgana didn't know what to say as she stared dumbfounded at the closed entrance so she said the first thing that came to mind, "Why would he say that?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

If she was expecting an answer, Morgana didn't get one as a pair of strong arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

Without thinking, Morgana quickly returned the embrace. "Oh my god, Merlin." She buried her face in the crevice between his neck and his shoulder, inhaling deeply his scent. Her tears threatened to fall and Morgana didn't stop them. She couldn't do so even if she wanted to.

He fit her well. The thought of holding him flush against her was tantalizing. For the time being she was okay with this, with having his forearm resting on the narrow small of her back, her hand resting on his shoulders, their feet staggered as they held one another. Their thighs made glancing contact and she experienced a fluttering of lust, but it was controllable. Her imagination, however, was running rampant, flitting here and there, ricocheting off the walls of her mind.

"I have missed you," Merlin whispered to her ear. Miraculously she had no difficulty hearing his softly spoken words above the noise of her pounding heart. His breath tinkled her skin and whatever resolve she had left evaporated with those few words.

Morgana swayed and her arms wrapped tighter around him. She clutched his shirt with her hands for the fear of falling. She felt like her legs could no longer carry her. "I feel dizzy," Morgana warned him.

Merlin tilted his head and he took one look at her blood-drained face before he hoisted her up. She kept her face buried in his neck as he went to his bed and gently placed her down on it. Morgana unclutched her hands, releasing her hold on him. Merlin tried to get her to rest her head on the pillow. "I'm fine, now. Truly." Except she was far from fine. She was trembling, tears were cascading down her face and she had no idea how to handle the surge of emotions that got hold of her. "I just needed to get off my feet."

Merlin pursed his lips together, "I see that motherhood has not lessened your stubbornness." His voice was teasing. The fact that he didn't address her queenhood meant a lot to her. "Just lay back, Morgana. I will get you some water."

She gave him a retiring look.

Morgana finally conceded and rested her head back on the pillow. Merlin got up and retrieved a goblet from a table nearby. Morgana followed him with her eyes as he filled it with water and brought it back to her. "You should drink it."

But Morgana shook her head. "I need a moment."

"Alright." Merlin put the goblet on the nightstand next to her head and straightened his back. His gaze roamed over her and Morgana wondered if he was trying to find changes in her.

Would he find any? Or would he find them all?

Because a lot had changed. Her body had changed. The way she thought had changed. The way she felt had changed. Even her status had changed.

Could Merlin see all of that?

She doubted it.

Merlin sighed and sat on the bed next to her.

They were silent for a while. Merlin continued to stare silently at her.

"Arthur said you didn't want to see me."

He didn't respond instead he wiped her tears with his thumb.

"What?" Morgana demanded when his staring became slightly unnerving.

Merlin shook his head as if forcing himself out of a trance. "Last time I saw you, you were ..."

She knew where this was going and she braced herself for a conversation she'd been imagining ever since setting foot in Camelot. Morgana made a painted face. "... enormous."

"... with Child."

Then they just looked at each other. The stare stretched into seconds, then moments, long, still quite moments on the outside but clamorous where emotions were housed.

She pulled in a breath, released it slowly, shakily. "Merlin..." She reached for his hand but he withdrew it back before she managed to grab it.

"... I remember going to sleep next to you. Then I woke up and almost three years had gone by." His voice wavered. "How could you do that to me, Morgana? How could you use me that way?"

"I …"

Merlin rose to his feet and Morgana pushed herself up to sit properly.

"Because of what you did, I missed the birth of my son. I missed three years of his life that I will never get back." He rebuked, his voice going shrill.

She was shaking her head. "I am sorry, believe me when I tell you that it was never my intention for that to happen."

His blue eyes narrowed. "Sorry will not suffice Morgana. I can never get back the moments I have lost." He said angrily, "Or do you have a spell that can turn back time and allow me to relive back the last three years."

She understood his anger. She really did. But she had not planned for things to go down the way they had. She didn't mean for him to fall into a magical slumber. She didn't mean for him to miss their son's birth or his first steps or his first words.

All she wanted was a world where her son would never be afraid of who he was.

"Can we not do this now, Merlin?" She pleaded, "Our son is here. He is with Gwen; I can go fetch him-"

"And when will we talk Morgana? Should I wait three more years for that?"

"Enough!" She snapped, raising her voice to the angry level of his. "What did you suppose I should have done, Merlin? I was expecting. Did you think I was going to let my child be born into a world where the likes of Sarrum exist? I couldn't just do nothing." She got to her feet, not wanting to continue to crane her neck to glance at him.

"I would have protected him. I would have protected you."

"Protect me?" She snuffled a short laugh. "I spent two years in a pit because of you. Because you took my magic away from me."

"You forgave me for that!"

"Then you should forgive me for this." She shouted over him.

"It's not the same."

"What I had gone through, Merlin, was far worse." She said curtly, "I was kept in a pit. In the dark. I was tortured. I was in pain. I was scared and I was on my own. But you... I brought you back here. To Camelot. You were surrounded by people who loved you. You were asleep, Merlin. You never felt pain, you never felt hunger or thirst. You were never ill. How can it possibly be the same?"

She pushed to catch her breath. He averted his gaze away. "I couldn't sleep. As he grew stronger, as his movements become more prominent, the nightmares kept on coming and I didn't know how to stop them. I dreamt about being back in that pit, every night with a child in my lap..."

"Morgana-"

"He had to die, Merlin. That's all I wanted. I didn't know that that sorceress was trying to kill you. I didn't know that she was tricking me with that spell she gave me." She continued in a calmer voice. "Do you have any idea what it had been like that morning? I couldn't get you to wake up."

It had been one of the worst days of her life and she could still remember it, vividly.

The fear that had taken over her when she failed to wake him up was crippling. Nothing had worked; she had slapped him, hit him, shaken him, and poured water over him. All in vain. She had thought that he had died. She hadn't known what else to do except cradle him to her chest and cry. It was then that she had felt his breath on her skin. She had sobbed when she had felt the rise and fall of his chest against her own. Morgana sniffed and continued, "You just wouldn't wake up. I thought you were dead."

The sorceress who had given her that spell had attacked Merlin shortly after they had arrived in Camelot. It was then, she had realized the grave mistake that she had committed.

Morgana collapsed heavily back on the bed; her energy drained from all the yelling.

Merlin sat next to her.

Silence fell over the room.

Moments later, Merlin spoke, "I shouldn't have... I am sorry. I was mad and..." he trailed off and she didn't push him.

"Can we not do this now, Merlin?" Morgana requested again, looking at him, "Don't you want to meet our son? I know he is eager to meet you."

"I already have."

Eyes wide, Morgana cocked her head to one side. "What? When?"

"I was in Gaius' chambers when Arthur came along with him." Merlin explained with a smile, "Arthur wasn't aware I was there."

"Did you talk to him?"

"He was rather shy. But he introduced himself; he was..." Frustrated with his inability to explain, he swore under his breath before making another stab at it. "He has my name. I cannot believe you named him Merlin."

"Yeah, it was either that or Uther."

He laughed, shaking his head. He stared into near space for a moment, then said. "I would've loved Uther."

Morgana was more miffed than hurt. "No, you wouldn't have."

"No, I wouldn't." He said softly, "What now, Morgana?"

She tilted her head, "It's up to you Merlin. I am here with our son and you are awake, alive, and well."

For several seconds they stared at each other, then he leaned forward. Her eyes followed his progress as he came closer. Then he cupped her face between his hands and lifted it towards his as he bent down and kissed her.

And she thought, _Oh, God. I missed this._

His lips were full and sensual, and they delivered what they suggested. His kiss was warm and sweet and earnest. He applied the perfect amount of pressure, leaving no question she was being soundly kissed. It was such a perfect kiss that her lips parted naturally. When his tongue touched hers, her heart expanded and her arms encircled his waist.

He lowered his hands, so that one arm free to go around her shoulders while the other curved to fir the small of her back. The kiss deepened. The longer kissed, the more ardent it became.

Then suddenly he broke away. He was breathing hard. His hands resumed their previous position on either side of her face. "I love you. I love you so much."

She nodded her head as much as his hands would allow it to move. "I love you too," she said, surprised by the huskiness of her own voice. "I never stopped."

"Let's meet our son." His voice was ragged, impassioned. His hands pressed tighter. "Properly this time."


End file.
